How to Avoid It

Let’s be real—parenting’s hard. We all want to raise happy, confident kids. But sometimes, without even realizing it, we might be doing things that chip away at their emotional strength. If you’ve ever stepped in to save the day or tried to protect your little one from every hurt feeling, you’re definitely not alone. But here’s the thing: those very moments might be holding them back from building emotional resilience.

Let’s talk about a few common (and totally well-meaning) parenting habits that might be doing more harm than good—and what we can do instead.

Always Stepping in to Solve Problems

You see your child struggling, and your instinct kicks in: “Don’t worry, I’ll handle this for you.” Sounds familiar, right? It’s such a loving gesture, but here’s the message kids might pick up: “I can’t handle challenges on my own. Someone else will always step in when things get hard.”

Over time, they may stop believing in their own ability to tackle problems—and rely on others to rescue them.

Let them solve problems: Try saying, “I’m here if you need me, but I know you can figure this out.” It boosts their confidence to handle challenges.

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Shielding Them from Disappointment

Nobody wants to see their child upset. Maybe their toy broke, and you quickly say, “We’ll get you a new one—don’t be sad.” It feels like the right thing to do at the moment. But here’s what they might be learning: “Disappointment is unbearable. When things don’t go my way, it should be fixed immediately.”

The tricky part? If kids never experience disappointment, they don’t learn how to cope when life throws curveballs.

Normalize disappointment: Instead of rushing to fix things, try, “It’s okay to feel sad when things don’t go as planned. How can we handle this together?” It teaches them that disappointment is normal—and survivable.

Not Allowing Them to Express Big Emotions

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We’ve all said it at some point: “Stop crying. You’re fine.” It usually comes from a place of wanting them to feel better fast. But to a child, it can sound like: “My feelings don’t matter. I shouldn’t feel what I feel.”

Over time, they may start bottling up emotions instead of learning healthy ways to process them.

Validate their emotions: Let them know it’s okay to feel big feelings: “I can see you’re upset, and that’s okay. Let’s talk about what’s bothering you.”

Giving into Demands to Avoid Meltdowns

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Let’s be honest—sometimes we give in just to keep the peace. “Okay, fine, you can have it. Just stop crying.” We’ve all been there. But here’s the hidden lesson: “I can control others with my emotions. If I push hard enough, I’ll always get what I want.”

Not exactly what we’re going for, right?

Set healthy limits with compassion: Saying, “I understand you’re frustrated, but the answer is still no. Let’s find another solution,” shows that boundaries and empathy can coexist.

Pushing for Perfection

 

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“You need to try harder; don’t mess this up.” If you’ve ever said this (especially with good intentions), your child might be hearing: “I must be perfect to be loved and accepted. Failing is not an option.”

That pressure can turn into fear of making mistakes—and rob them of the joy of learning

Emphasize growth, not perfection: Try shifting the focus: “Mistakes help us learn. What can you try differently next time?” This encourages a mindset where effort matters more than perfection.